Eight months ago, I applied for a new job as “Mum-To-Be”. My first release will be around Christmas Day, plus or minus two weeks. I’m hoping for a calm and smooth release instead of the “big bang” kind we see all too often on software projects. If the release goes well, I will be promoted to “full-time Mum” (part-timers need not apply).

“It’s a 24/7 job for life regardless of whether or not you have a day job. Are you sure you’re ready for this level of commitment and this kind of responsibility?” asked the Quiet Voice in my head to which my Heart and Mind both replied, “We’ll do our best.”

The Magical Role of Mum

Given the importance of the role of Mum (and of course the equally important role of Dad), you’d think there would be a definitive parent job description, complete with responsibilities, skills, qualifications and attributes clearly laid out and readily available to everyone.

Only it turns out that parenting is one of the most controversial topics you’ll ever stumble upon, be it in the playground or by the water cooler at work. And no such definitive parent job description exists.

A Case of the Vital Vacancy

That’s when I decide to apply my hard-learned principle of “Use what I know”. I know I want to do a good job and since motivation is key to a job well done, I look to Dan Pink’s theory on motivation (aka drive) for inspiration. According to Dan, developing and maintaining motivation requires three vital ingredients. Dan gives a compelling talk on Ted.com on the theory.

1. Autonomy – Be self-directing
2. Mastery – Improve continuously
3. Purpose – Serve something beyond our own needs

After all, life’s a marathon not a sprint. Sustaining good performance is equally as important as attaining a level of good performance in the first place.

Words from the Wise

But there’s no need to take a wannabee’s word for the real deal when it comes to parenting. Here’s what my parenting friends tell me:

“You’re going to learn at the fastest rate since you yourself was a child. Fasten your seatbelt and enjoy the ride!”

“Hope you enjoy every second! It is an amazing adventure. It won’t be easy, but it will be rewarding.”

“We’ll miss you a lot – looking forward to hearing how Agile works with kids!”

“You’re going to have more fun than you can possibly imagine!”

“Forget about 2-week sprints. Prepare for 2-hour sprints day… and night!”

“Hope the release goes according to plan!”

Generosity of Parents

Amidst the hustle bustle of city life, one of the most surprising things about parenting is how willing people are in sharing their experiences. The good, the bad and the ugly.

“When’s the baby due?” they’d ask.

“Christmas,” I’d reply. “I’d appreciate any tips or recommended reading,” I’d add.

And while not everything might make sense to me right now, I’ve learned to squirrel away their advice because there are some lessons I don’t need to learn by making costly mistakes.

Advice Worth its Weight in Gold

Here’s some of the recurring advice I hear:

• “You’ll know what to do when the time comes”
• “Trust your instinct”
• “Get as much sleep as you can now and enjoy it!”
• “If you’re calm, the baby will follow your cue”
• “Everyone will tell you their way’s the right way. Listen and do what’s right for you”
• “Spending time with my children is a conscious decision and the best one I’ve made”

Their collective wealth of experience inspires me with several thoughts:

• Be kind and gentle to yourself
• All you can do is your best and keep improving
• Sustainable pace

It seems that parenting and Agile have a great deal in common. It certainly seems like a good test of one’s personal agility. How do you put your agility to the test?

Enjoy a scary read for free

To celebrate this Halloween, we’re giving away free downloads of The Dream Team Nightmare, the first ever Choose-Your-Own-Adventure style story about Agile for 48 hours from 30 – 31 October inclusive.

The Dream Team Nightmare is great for ghostbusters because it’s packed full of ideas of how to make friends with the ghosties and ghoulies they meet every day. Coupon code: FrightNight.

Enjoy the scary read! Read it with friends and colleagues to trigger a conversation for daring change!

What reviewers say…

Vera Peeters, software developer and co-creator of The XP Game, says:
“Portia is trying to write down stuff from her own excperience since a long time. Now she finally found her format. It’s a great idea to make it an adventure! It is different, it is playful, it makes it fun to read and read again and to study. As always, Portia will inspire you and will challenge you to think about what you are doing.”

Steve Holyer, Agile Coach, says:
“The only way to learn Agile coaching is by doing. ‘The Dream Team Nightmare’ lets you experience a week as Agile coach for the Dream Team in a “choose-your-own- adventure” style book. It’s totally fun and surprisingly like real life.”

Staffan Noteberg, author of “Pomodoro Technique Illustrated”, says:
“The Game of life is to try, learn and adapt through small and frequent experiments. Portia’s book gives you the unique opportunity to understand Agile in an experimen- tal way. The palette of problems and creative solutions, presented in this book, will surprise experienced Agile practitioners as well as new enthusiasts.”

Olaf Lewitz, Agile Coach, says:
“‘The Dream Team Nightmare’ is the most compelling and intriguing ‘business novel’ that I have read so far. The message is so well wrought into the narrative flow that you barely notice you are learning a lot. The style of making assumptions, validating them to keep track of what you learn and plan to do is that of an effective change artist. To explicitly identify options, deferring decisions to keep options open, not only makes reading this gamebook very exciting, it is also part of the method you see applied. I highly recommend this book to agile readers of all experi- ence levels. You will learn. Let Agile Adventures entertain you!”

A lifelong journey begins with a baby step…

Do you feel all washed out and chewed up by your daily slog? Are you snowed under an ever-growing mountain of low value work? Do you dream instead of making a dent in the world through positive contribution to the world from where youʼre sitting? Then itʼs time to try the latest great indoor activity to reach corporations both small and large: Enterprise Gardening.

You’ll find the presentation content here. Click past the YouTube video to see the full presentation, complete with speaker notes on Slideshare.

… with help from some special friends

A BIG “Thank You” goes to:

• Team TEDxMiltonKeynes – Jo, Gareth, Hannah and Jane
• Pioneer Enterprise Gardeners who showed me how a lot of toil and even more heart can help us slowly but surely transform our workplaces into somewhere we belong: with special thanks to Dan Talpau, Chris Lane, Maria Bortes, Dyan Corutiu and Chantal Ellam and teams I’ve worked with over the years

Challenging the Caring Profession

In the run-up to my Christmas baby, I’ve had more close encounters with those who work in the “caring profession” than I’ve had since I first arrived in the world over all those years ago.

And all the time I now spend in waiting rooms has given me lots of time to think.

Caring vs Competence

What makes me uncomfortable is the large number of people I’ve met who are not only not passionate about their job but are incompetent at what they do.

In my experience, the caring profession is no exception in a world where we are encouraged to demand more than the value we actually add.

What People Want

The usual demand goes something like this: “I want more recognition, more money, more influence, more power…” And so the wish list continues.

And I find myself asking in return: “How much value are you providing for your current wage? How do you provide a positive Return-On-Investment to your organisation?”

If you cannot answer these questions to your satisfaction and that of your organisation’s, how would you feel if your organisation asked for some of their money back? After all, it seems only fair.

If you’re not helping to make things better, it’s more likely than not that you’re making things worse.

What’s a “caring profession” anyway?

I’ve come to define a caring profession as one that:
a) Involves people AND/OR
b) Impacts people

Why? Because caring is key to creating a positive customer experience. Caring also inspires us to improve at our craft in order to serve others better. All this results in more value for everyone to enjoy.

Based on my definition, most of us work in the caring profession.

What if you were to blame a little less and care a little more? How could you change the world around you?

A Personal Transformation

I recently became a walking social experiment. One that puts the human kindness of London commuters to the test. What’s more, it’s part of embarking on a “life-changing” journey. The kind that when you tell people about it, those in the know nod sagely and say, “It’s going to be nothing like you’ve ever imagined and nothing can prepare you for it. It will change your life forever.”

At this point, their brows usually furrow and their faces darken, but for a moment. Then they smile and say, “But it’s all worth it.” I can’t help but wonder if they’re offering me reassurance or consolation of what is to come.

The Kindess of Strangers

Commuting in London can seem like an Olympic event at the best of times and when you’re carrying a large bump with you, it’s inevitable that you start to see a different side of your fellow commuters.

The first thing I began to notice is how many people are preoccupied with their own thoughts as the carriage judders towards their usual station. These people clearly have a lot on their mind. These people don’t notice me at all.

Then there are those who leap up with an electric shock to offer me their seat. After thanking them, as I sit down I wonder what makes them offer me a seat when none of the other passengers do.

Just last week, after slipping into an empty seat on a semi-crowded train, I noticed a fellow mum-to-be. I waved and offered her my seat but she waved back to indicate that under no circumstances would she take my seat. Eventually, someone else gave up their seat for her after our brief mime exchange.

Slow Down to Make Sense of Being

To be honest, I used to be one of those people with too much on their mind to really see other people for who they are. Ever since acquiring my bump, I’ve had to slow down and it’s made more aware of others as well as myself. For instance, if you look carefully, you’ll find that London is packed full of pregnant women, going about their business like everybody else.

I’ve also come to appreciate the great gift that is the offer of a seat on the crowded tube by a fellow traveller. The fact is, there’s always someone who needs that seat more than us.

What small gesture of kindness can you make this Monday morning on your way to work?

Vital Encounters

I am waiting for a flight in a busy airport lounge. I look up and notice an elderly  gentleman. I smile. He smiles back. I notice there are two glasses on the table in front of him. I decide to strike up a conversation.

“Where are you travelling to?” I ask. “We’re on a world tour,” he says. “My wife and I are retired,” he explains.

Being generally puzzled by humanity and our relationship with work, I ask, “What did you do before you retired?”

“I served as a judge,” he replies with a benevolent smile.

By now I realise I’m onto something vital and so I ask him another question that puzzles me further still.

“You must have encountered people from many different walks of life,” I say.

Then I decide to go ahead and ask the million dollar question.

“From all you have seen, do you think human beings are fundamentally good?” I ask.

“I have seen human beings capable of great kindness in very difficult circumstances,” he replies. I look him in the eye and there isn’t a hint of cynicism, only goodwill.

It turns out this elderly gentleman was a judge for 30 years. Our conversation reminds me of one I have with my teams.

In my role as Agile Coach, when teams fail, one of the most common explanations I hear from the team is this: “They don’t trust us enough. That’s why we haven’t delivered any working software for so long.”

My reply to such an explanation is filled with the same inquisitiveness in my conversation with the elderly judge and it is this: “How trustworthy are you and how much trust have you shown these people to whom you refer as ‘they’?”

Imagine. You woke up this morning and instead of following Alice down the rabbit hole, you decide to hang out with Socrates. You know, the wise guy who taught people how to think for themselves by asking questions.

What you didn’t realise when you got out of bed this morning is that there’s something different about you today. Instead of the usual ‘telling people what to do and what to think’, you discover that you can only ask questions. And, when asking questions is inappropriate, the only alternative is to listen.

At first, you manage this new way of communicating for only 10 minutes. Gradually, you extend it to an hour.

What do you notice about the quality of conversations you’re having in comparison with your usual way of communicating? And what about the differences in the level of engagement you’re getting from those you usually interact with?

My grandmother used to say, “There’s a reason why we have two ears and one mouth.”

Ask questions. Listen lots. Help people answer their own questions and may be they’ll help answer yours.

A Flash from the Past

Years ago when I was back at school, I had two very different English teachers.

The first was Ms. H, a quiet, unassuming and knowledgeable young teacher. She was my favourite teacher because she encouraged me to improve my writing through my assignments. For a long time, I wondered if she wanted to become a writer herself and just before I left school, I found out that she was writing a novel in her spare time. I remember feeling pleased upon discovering this information and secretly wished her well.

The second was Mrs. W, a very knowledgeable and exceptionally opinionated teacher. In many ways, teachers with strong views can be an inspiration and Mrs. W was exactly that to me. Mrs. W was a retired journalist who had worked at a number of the famous newspapers in London. She seemed the most worldly-wise among all the teachers at my school.

Death Sentence?

At the tender age of 15, I figured that whatever Mrs. W said was worth listening to. This rule worked well until the day I mentioned I’d like to be a writer and she replied, “Forget about becoming a writer, you’ll never be good enough.”

The rule of listening to Mrs. W had been hardcoded into my brain and what had been heard could not be unheard. At first I felt shocked then angry at the certainty with which she uttered her judgment. And when the shock and anger fizzled out, I decided I would have to find my own way. She may be right in her conviction, but I had to at least try to do my dream justice.

And so I dabbled with writing short stories for a while and, being a complete novice, quickly got lost. The next baby step I could take was a joint honours degree in English and French to keep my dream of becoming a writer alive.

Dormant Dreams

Eventually, with the distractions of life and reality, I fell asleep, along with my dream of becoming a writer, much like Dorothy did in the poppy field on her way to see the wizard.

When I awoke, I’d become an IT professional, first a developer, then a development manager then a consultant.

In the last 4 years, I’ve made at least 20 attempts to write a book. Fiction or non-fiction, it didn’t really matter. To be a writer, I needed to write. For me, a successful outcome would be a book I wrote.

Back to the Future

Twenty five years later after that fateful conversation with Mrs. W, my dream became a reality.

On Wednesday, 6 June 2012, two days after the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, my first book was born: ‘The Dream Team Nightmare’, a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure aka Fighting Fantasy style game book where you, the protagonist, plays an Agile Coach tasked with helping to get a failing Agile team back on track.

The value of experiments

Thanks to my previous attempts (aka experiments), I’d finally produced a work consisting of elements of fiction AND non-fiction. What’s more, it’s the first ever game book in the Agile Community that I know of. And better still, in writing ‘The Dream Team Nightmare’, I imagined into existence a series close to my own heart called ‘Agile Adventures – When the journey matters as much as the destination’.

Dream BIG, live it little by little

So what’s my biggest take away from my 21 attempts in recent years at living my dream of becoming a writer? That we have everything we need to overcome the challenges we face to live our dreams. The key is to stay faithful to your dream, go easy on yourself and live a bit of the dream every day.

What’s the smallest step you can take right now to help make one of your dreams come true?

Some years ago, I went for lunch with an old friend who worked (and still works) for Microsoft. At the time, by way of introductions, he gave me one of his latest business cards. On it was written, ‘Change the world or go home‘.

Meet the Blue Monster

Holding that one business card in my hand signified my first encounter with the ‘Blue Monster’, a life changing event that I would remember always. Why? Because at that moment, I fell in love with an idea. Truly, madly, deeply. The kind of love you find in ‘Beauty and the Beast’. The kind of love so powerful that begins its life as a children’s story, before becoming a Disney cartoon and then finally transforming into a Broadway musical created to move the world.

I was still clutching onto the business card when I got home because I wanted to share it with my friend TJ (Thoughtful Jim).

“So what do you think?” I remember asking eagerly, hoping that he would join me in the noble and worthy cause of ‘changing the world or go home’. Since resigning wasn’t an option for either of us (we both needed to work to pay the bills), I reasoned that the only option was to change the world through the work we do.

As usual, there was a long pause between telling or showing TJ something and getting a response.

Eventually, TJ replied. “The sentiment is noble indeed, but what would happen if everyone did what the card told them to? Everything would turn into chaos.”

“What would happen?!?” I said, my voice shrill with excitement. “We would change the world, bit by bit. One baby step at a time. It doesn’t take a lot when each of us is willing to do our bit. Just imagine!”

Remember the Blue Monster

That fateful day, TJ and I came to a mutual and silent agreement that we would each of us make of the Blue Monster what we will.

And to this day, the Blue Monster still has a special place in my heart. Over the years, the Blue Monster has even acquired a special place in our world. I know this because of the continued resonance of his creator’s subsequent work, judging by the way books like ‘Ignore Everybody’ and ‘Evil Plans’ have become successes.

Lessons from the Blue Monster

Thanks to Hugh McLeod sharing his thoughts on how we should ‘Ignore Everybody’ and have ‘Evil Plans’, I’ve learned to let out a caricature chuckle “Mu-HA-HA-HA!!!” in my head whenever I’ve pushed the Envelope of Assumptions just that bit further and nudged the Wall of Fear of Change by a micro-inch.

Become an ‘Investor in People’

We can each of us make a difference, no matter how small or how insignificant it may seem to others, so long it matters to us. Just as I choose my restaurants by voting with my feet, I choose to support and sponsor the people who inspire me with their beliefs and actions. Why? So that together, we can shape the future we want to be part of. A future for our children to be part of.

Look around you. Who do you support and what does that mean for our future?