Whether you’re a first time developer, manager, leader or parent, according to Amy Cuddy in her Ted talk, the key to increased confidence in what you do is to strike a pose. Literally.

While your mind can clearly control your body, according to research, changing your posture can significantly affect what you think. Especially how you perceive yourself.

Years ago, while I was totally daunted by the prospect of my final year French spoken exam, a girl who lived down the corridor shared with me the secret to her consistent high performance in exams.

“Of course I study for every exam,” Miss High Achiever said. “But there’s something else I do right before I go into the exam room. It’s very silly, but it works.”

It turns out my friend would spend a few minutes psyching herself up in front of a mirror, usually in the ladies toilets. She would stand tall, look herself in the eye then say just loud enough for herself to hear, “You’re the best. You’re the best. You’re the best.”

At the time, out of desperation, I tried out my friend’s tip. I did much better than I ever imagined in my final year French spoken exam.

Of course, spending a year out in France as a language assistant helped as did my intense revision.

Standing in front of the mirror just before my exam telling myself “You’re the best” didn’t turn me into a narcissist anymore than it did with my friend. Instead, it reminded us that no matter what happened, we were going to give it our best shot.

And that’s my takeaway from Amy Cuddy’s Ted talk. “Fake it until you become it.” With enough practice, preparation and self-belief you, too, can make it.

This tip got me through one of my scarier moments in 2012 when I gave my first TedX talk last year.

How are you going to fake it until you become it?

Q: What has a value, an expiry condition and if you choose to exercise it early you must know why?
A: A Real Option of course!

“Commitment”, the long awaited book on Real Options, is out!

Congratulations to Olav Maassen, Chris Matts and Chris Geary on their graphic novel. It’s a marvellous work of art, knowledge and storytelling! It’s great to see the theory explained in such an engaging, lucid, succinct and fun way.

The most impressive 2 things of all about the book (and there are so many), is the rate of information transmitted by the authors and the amount of information recalled by the reader long after they’ve reached the end of the tale.

“Commitment” is a great example of the saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words”. Never have I read a book that gives the reader so much useful information at a glance and sticks in the mind and can be applied immediately.

So what’s reading “Commitment” worth to you? You can wait to borrow a friend’s copy or buy your own (it’s also available as a Kindle version). The quicker you learn about Real Options, the earlier you can apply it at work and at home, the better you’ll be at handling uncertainty to achieve better outcomes.

Happy decision making!

“We have always had as much time as we have ever had. No more, no less.” – Anon.

In the modern life of daily hustle and bustle, of striving, failing and achieving, we are prone to forget vital things. One of them is this: Time is the most precious asset we have.

Imagine life as a finite timebox. We have as much of it as we have ever had. When the bell tolls, the size of the timebox isn’t open for negotiation.

Instead of thinking yourself time-poor, think of yourself as time-rich. Distinguish between a want and a need. Now how would you choose to invest life time?

And if you haven’t already, see “The Odd Story of Timothy Green“. It’s a story about life, love and living. It’ll really make you think.

Calling All Bookworms

What better way to celebrate this Thursday than with World Book Day in the UK?

I love everything about books. Holding them, reading them, writing them, reviewing them, talking about them and re-reading them.

If you do too, then here are a few suggestions to make the most of World Book Day and beyond:

• Two Ted talks on creativity and artistry: Young-Ha Kim on “Be an artist, right now” and Elisabeth Gilbert on “Your elusive creative genius”
• Visit your favourite bookstore or one you’ve never been to before. If you’re in London, I recommend visiting Waterstone’s in Picadilly Circus or Foyles in the Royal Festival Hall where you can enjoy a good read with tasty cakes
• Read the first ever Agile Choose-Your-Own-Adventure “The Dream Team Nightmare” available on Leanpub for only a bit longer, soon to be published by Pragmatic Bookshelf
• Treat yourself or a friend to a bargain bookbag of 10 brilliant Agile books individually totalling $142.61 on offer for only $50

Happy World Book Day!

Favourite Days of the Year

St Valentine’s Day has become my third favourite day of the year, the first being Christmas Day (a family and friends day) and the second being New Year’s Eve (a day to dust off those cobwebs and line up one’s mind furniture for the year ahead).

That hasn’t always been the case, of course. Growing up as an ugly duckling has meant that many a Valentine’s Day would fade into another-one-of-those-days-to-forget, year after year, for much longer than I care to remember.

Embrace Others and Yourself

And then one year, not so long ago, I decided to embrace St Valentine’s Day. Why shouldn’t I celebrate it, too? After all, we can all go to the ball just like Cinderella. If we so choose.

I’ve come to learn that the simplest way to enjoy St Valentine’s is by bringing joy to others and myself.

What does this mean? Do something nice for someone else. A simple Thank You email / note / card will suffice, telling them how much you appreciate them. If you’re feeling particularly generous, gift something to someone they cannot or rarely buy for themselves. It’s no  coincidence that flowers are the most popular gift on Valentine’s Day. And they don’t have to be only for a romantic partner. They could be for someone you love. A friend, your mum, your sister, your dad.

Remember to also do something nice for yourself. Go for that walk you’ve been meaning to for ages. Or treat yourself to a little something you’ve always wanted but never got around to getting.

So why is St Valentine’s Day my third favourite day of the year? Because it gives us a chance to express our love and appreciation for others as well as for ourselves.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

“A man never steps in the same river twice because neither the river nor the man are the same” – Gopnik with Heraclitus

From Pregnancy to Parenting

If being pregnant is like being Frodo in Lord of the Rings, then being a parent is like being Neo in The Matrix. My #1 Lesson Learned as a new parent is that my next move changes the map. Not only does this force me to constantly confront the edges of my comfort zone, it’s taught me a thing or two about a baby’s mind.

A Beautiful Mind

According to Alison Gopnik, “When we change the way we think, we also change the way thinking feels to us. When what we know changes, our experience changes, too.” It follows then that a sign of learning is that we change our minds based on the information we obtain. A mind that remains unchanging doesn’t just belong to a stubborn personality, it’s proof of a mind that has ossified. And we all know that when something stops growing it’s dying.

“Let’s play Pretend!”

If each human being is a “creation of the human imagination”, as viewed by Gopnik, then the world’s our oyster. In order to change the world around us, we need to begin with an open mind and who better to learn from than babies and children?

How much of the Unexpected do you encounter on an hourly or daily basis to keep you on your toes? Begin by watching Alison Gopnik’s talk on “What Babies Think” on Ted.com.

Miserly Wishing

Some people are stingy with their wishes. “I have only three wishes, so I must make each of them count!” they tell themselves. The result of this miserly attitude to wishing often results in wishes that barely resemble what people really, really want. And, more importantly, what they really, really need.

Meaningful Wishing

To discover what really matters to you, try answering this question from artist Candy Chang: “Before I die I want to…”

Infinite Wishing

I’ve heard tell that in the original version of the Genie in the Lamp there was no constraint on the number of wishes one could make upon setting the genie free.

Plenty More Wishes in the Sea

So go on. What do you wish for? Come up with one wish after another. And remember, when you wish upon a star, you’re a step closer towards turning that wish into a reality. After all, everything we do begins with a thought. For the lucky ones, it begins with a wish. For those who persevere, we can make our wishes come true.

Here’s wishing you a Happy 2013 and beyond!

Happy 2013 one and all!

My baby daughter was born just before Christmas. Many thanks for all your words of encouragement and wisdom on parenting to date! They’re much appreciated.

Keep the tips and advice coming as I find them super invaluable! Always learning. Always improving.

To make more of the future, we have to learn from the past. In order to learn from the past, we need to take time out to reflect. Only then can we can identify improvement actions effectively and do them. I might not like what I see when I look back but it’s always worthwhile.

WHAT WENT WELL

• Do at least one thing a day that scared me, from challenging the status quo to confronting my own incongruent behaviour
• Playmaking: I say “Play once a day to keep the doctor and priest away” – Used play to repeatedly transform conversations and situations by helping people (re-) connect with each other. Watch my talk on infoq.com
• Identify my goals and go for it: I set myself SMART goals and achieved them – including writing my first book and the first ever Agile Choose-your-Own-Adventure novel “The Dream Team Nightmare“, presenting an idea worth spreading at TEDx “Enterprise Gardening: Transforming workplaces into somewhere we belong” and growing a family of my own

WHAT WENT WRONG

• Being too judgmental: This remains one of my top flaws. While making judgment quickly is a pre-requisite for an effective consultant, it’s also a self-limiting habit, especially for a coach who wants to improve herself. Going forward, I will focus first on facts then bring in intuition and experience
• Slow to improve: In order to improve quickly, I will make every interaction a learning opportunity and apply what I’ve learned as quickly as possible to a) test its effectiveness; b) get in the practice of applying it; c) release the value of that learning
• Too much work-in-progress: I find it difficult to prioritise my workload and procrastinate when it comes to less interesting work. Instead, I will work on one thing at a time and release the value of that item as quickly as possible before starting work on another

LESSONS (RE-) LEARNED

1. Use what I know: It’s all too easy and wasteful to talk the talk without walking the walk
2. Sustainable pace: Work at a pace that allows me to think fast and/or slow as necessary so that I can do what I love well forever. Working at a sustainable pace gives me the head space to think and act more congruently
3. Be gentle with myself and others: Instead of expressing passion in terms of metaphors of violence and destruction, use nurture to help ideas and people grow
4. Try things out: Experiment and put ideas to the test in order to see if they’re any good before casting them aside; challenge assumptions
5. Help those who want to help themselves: When asked if we want to improve, most people’s answer is “Of course!”. This is often followed by inaction in spite of the individual’s initial response. Invest wisely on what, whom and how I spend my time to maximise the Return- On-Investment for everyone involved
6. Slow down to speed up: As the rabbit said, “The hurrier I go, the behinder I get”. Check out Carl Honore’s talk on Slowness on Ted.com
7. Follow my dreams: Only I am capable of realising my dreams. Figure out what they are, envision them coming true, then reverse-engineer what it’ll take to get me there and take one baby step at a time

Back to the Future

How was 2012 for you? What will you make of 2013?

Ho! Ho! Ho!

December is one of my favourite months of the year. Call me a traditionalist. I value a time when many people converge on giving, sharing and generally making that extra bit of effort in being kind towards one another.

The Christmas Challenge

While Christmas day itself can be a sizeable test of one’s personal agility, the real challenge I find is with giving the right presents. I know, I know. “There’s no right or wrong when it comes to gift giving!” I hear you say. Only there is. It’s all too easy to get things “too wrong”.

So here’s my strategy for gift giving this Christmas:

1. Be value-driven – Don’t just settle for spending money on tat. Figure out what the recipient is passionate about and values then go from there. Don’t be seduced by the sheer prettiness of shiny packaging. Believe you can find something that’s substantial and well-presented
2. Set a budget – Do this for both your overall gift budget and amount per individual. Setting a budget allows you to calculate the relative Return-On-Investment of a gift for everyone on your list and helps you distribute the joy more evenly
3. Spend time browsing – Giving a “good” (aka valuable) gift is a test of how well you know the recipient. If you’re stuck for ideas, put on your creative thinking hat and imagine what they would like. I recommend investing at least 15 minutes browsing per person or gift. Within that time box, challenge yourself to come up with at least 3 ideas to choose from before making a decision
4. Ring a friend – Ask for help. Borrow ideas. Find out what others are buying their family and friends. Remember, you can always ask recipients directly for their wish list with no obligation to buy
5. Give a gift of skill or service – What shareable special skills or interests do you have? Consider giving personal service tokens such as “This certificate qualifies you for 3 months worth of lawn mowing” or “Your child is entitled to 6 music lessons” or “This voucher gives you 3 arts and crafts sessions guaranteed to wow your friends”

Christmas doesn’t have to be commercial

If you’re still feeling “Bah! Humbug!” about Christmas, remember that commodification is in the eye of the gift giver. Imagine what a fairy godmother would give to someone you love.

Last but not least, when someone gives you a gift, you can always give the gift of gratitude.